The words themselves can at times score very low in communicating meaning, so experts such as Albert Mehrabian tell us, and it’s the way we say them that indicates our intent. This includes body language of course, but I’ll focus more on the verbal today.
Speed and silence are key aspects I’d like to start with. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a circumstance in public speaking where someone has spoken too slowly. The issue for me, though I know others may have had different experiences, is almost exclusively that someone speaks too fast, especially when they’re nervous. So, if you want to get across your message, slow it down. It’ll no doubt feel uncomfortable to you, but as I always say, that’s what practice is about.
Sometimes repetition, as opposed to slow speech, can be a problem, as for example when someone pitches their content too low, and the audience is on the edge of their seat just willing them to get on with it, but generally slow articulation is not the problem. If you’re really worried about what’s the right speed, record yourself, and compare yourself with those who are great speakers on TV or online – and mimic their speed and intonation. Yours will always be different, so don’t worry that you’ll sound like a mimic, but try to step outside of yourself and hear yourself as others do, when you’re in a relaxed state and therefore hearing properly. By also considering how, for instance, newscasters or those doing TED talks speak, you can experiment with acting the part in effect, until it becomes you. And it will be your very own, but better than before.
Then there are the irritating ‘fillers’ we sometimes need to work on, that distract and even irritate our audience, so detract from our message, like the ‘ums’, and the ‘sort ofs’ and ‘kind ofs’, or from my Canadian background the ‘ehs?’ at the end of the sentence. I’ll often sit in meetings or presentations and count the number of times someone says one of these during their delivery, once I’ve noticed it (and that’s usually pretty immediate), and the frequency sometimes is quite stunning.
So, what’s the answer? Practice, of course! We all need to practice speaking to an audience without these annoying distractors. You can record yourself, get a friend to monitor, talk to the mirror in the morning – there are many ways of training yourself out of whatever your habit might be. And don’t get me wrong, - I’ve been as guilty as anyone, and absolutely horrified when I realised I was doing it too! It’s almost an urge to fill the silence. But funnily enough, speed will help with this (i.e. slowing down), as well as silence. So, slow it down, and stop, or pause, instead of filling in with an ‘umm’ or an ‘eh?’ … Pauses are really helpful as well in terms of allowing your audience a little time to digest what you have just said….. The same is true of repetition. …. The same is true of repetition.
Often we’re communicating with others on the telephone, or through another form of technology. If you want to come across with some gravitas, even if you can’t be seen, be very aware of your posture. Lounging on a sofa or even in bed when it’s an unsocial hour in your part of the world can be heard. Indeed, if you’re wanting to come across with some authority, perhaps it’s a difficult negotiation or other challenging conversation, stand to make the call. You’ll come across as speaking with greater confidence and gravitas, without being any more aggressive, for example. Some deep breaths, and making sure you’re calm and not rushing into the call, will also help your voice.
Keeping your voice at a low pitch is also generally advised. When we get excited our pitch can rise, and that usually implies we’re losing some control, even if all it really is, is that we’re a bit excited about the topic under discussion. A RADA teacher, Chris Heimann, who works with acting students all day, suggests that, when in a situation of possible conflict or negotiation, where you really want to be heard, you ‘dial down’ your confidence level to just under that of the other speaker. It’s about managing the situation so that they don’t feel unreasonably challenged, whilst not becoming so submissive your point isn’t even heard.
Volume is another important consideration, especially when you’re not face-to-face. I generally come across two different types of people on conference calls and similar: those who have a tendency to shout, as if that will help the others on the line hear them better; and those who do not seem to even think about the need to speak up, even if they’re not near the microphone and have already been asked to speak up. The key is to project adequately without shouting. Too loud or too quiet are not really respectful. One way of assessing how you’re doing is simply to ask. In a group call when a majority of people are in one location together, do also remember to keep checking in with those on the end of the line – the number of times I have observed people chairing calls without one reference in a hour or more’s discussion to participants outside the room is seriously worrying.
There also are many aspects of body language which are important to effective communication. I think the key recommendation I would make is about eye contact. Unless you are in a culture where, for example, it’s not usual for women to make direct eye contact with men, eye contact whilst speaking, with everyone else in the room, builds trust and makes people feel included. They will be far more likely to listen to you too, for those reasons, and also because they don’t feel they can hide.
Use of inclusive language (words, expressions) is important, even if I began by saying it’s not always the words which convey the emotion. I can think of recent meetings I’ve attended with well-intentioned, educated men and women talking about matters of diversity, where it’s been stunning how people use non-inclusive terms without seemingly a moment’s thought. Very ironic, and absolutely undermining to their credibility with others.
Thinking about how you use your voice and words, in different contexts, is a helpful part of building your own communications plan, and that’s something you should also consider. We plan so many things in life, from weddings to systems implementations, but we rarely do so when it’s about some improvement in our behavioural or non-technical business skills. Yet if we want to achieve results, why not set out the ‘problem’ and then the solution, with actions and milestones along the way?
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Author: Caroline Stockmann, former Chief Executive, ACT. Article adapted from the strategic insights podcast