The annual service from King’s College, Cambridge, including the old festive favourites, ‘Once in Royal Bank of Scotland’ and ‘Away in Pret A Manger’.
Fly-on-the-wall documentary following the tireless emergency workers – the bankers, the lawyers and the pizza delivery boys – who have to work through the Christmas holidays, as they desperately try to put together an urgent bond issue to save a financially troubled company. But it’s a race against time, and everything depends on the investors being too hungover between Christmas and New Year to realise just how rubbish the company and the bond terms actually are. Look out for Nathan, a Zürich banker, who likes to dress as one of Santa’s elves – all year round – and Maureen, a partner in a major law firm, who would rather spend Christmas away from her ghastly family than be ‘a power mum who has it all’. Contains strong language.
Children’s comedy in which Charlie, a young boy from a poor family, decides to buy a chocolate factory in Brazil, even though he can’t afford it. Willie, the treasurer, is tasked with borrowing £50m at 3,426% APR to pay for it, conducting the due diligence on the factory’s financial position, solving the Brazilian currency ‘trapped cash’ problem – and minimising the all-important company tax bill. Hundreds of identical Oompa-
Loompas from internal audit admonish the other children by singing.
Since it’s Christmas and there isn’t any actual news, the time is filled by showing how Christmas has been celebrated by ‘our troops overseas’ – expat bankers wearing chinos and Santa hats in the Cayman Islands, Bermuda and Jersey. May contain upsetting scenes.
Her Majesty delivers her annual Christmas message to the Commonwealth, offering special thanks to the people of Scotland for voting against the recent demerger proposals, which would have sparked a debt redenomination exercise.
Buzz Lightyear finally persuades Woody to scrap his old-fashioned toy abacus and invest in a ‘rocket science’ treasury management system. But the pals soon start fighting over the exact specifications of the request for proposal. Their adventure takes them to the ACT conference in Glasgow where they have to visit every IT vendors’ exhibition stand in just 48 hours. They encounter Evil Dr Matza.
‘Famous’ companies that nobody has heard of compete for desperately needed funds by showing investors their fancy footwork. The boring but skilful ones get voted off, while the hopeless eccentrics advance to the final. Will the economy suffer?
Company chairman Lord Grantham wanders into the dimly lit cellar of Downton Abbey’s headquarters, where he discovers scores of finance and treasury people. He has no idea who they are or what their names are. Likewise, they have no idea who Lord Grantham is, apart from Carson, the FD, who stands to attention and bows. Lord Grantham says something pleasant but meaningless and leaves. Group chief accountant Mrs Patmore is caught cooking the books. HR director Lady Mary causes a stir when she marries a rival company’s treasurer, Len Dover-Knight. He is the only character who doesn’t realise that he’s going to be the next one to die.
Andrew Sawers is a freelance business and financial journalist. He is a former editor of Financial Director and has worked on Accountancy Age, Business Age and Commercial Lawyer. He tweets as @Mr_Numbers